Binge Eating

Not much is known about "Binge Eating Disorder", this article at athealth.com is typical of those I found googling the subject. It's remarkably similar to the official US government article found at womenshealth.gov. Neither site offers much in the way of help to get in control of the situation.

The first thought that came to mind when I considered writing this blog entry were the days when I would grab a tub of margarine, a loaf of bread, and stand there in front of the kitchen window just slathering up one piece of bread after anohther - 10, 11 ,12 slices - without taking a breath. I remember feeling pretty peaceful and calm after each episode. But today I was also thinking: holy cow! How many calories was that!? A thousand - 1200 for the bread? At least a half a tablespoon of margarine per slice, another 400 calories. Sixteen hundred calories in a few minutes!? And I want you to hold that thought, because we are going to get back to it shortly.

Bread was not the only item that I binged on. Saltine crackers, with margarine (scooped right out of the tub) or peanut butter, actually any kind if crackers or cheese, half gallons of ice cream, chips of any kind, buckets of KFC. I am sure there were others, but you get the idea.

Somehow I manged to give up bingeing (or then again, maybe I haven't, hold that thought too). I only remember that I did give up the chips in the car first (I replaced them with more fequent stops for McNuggets, so you can see I had a long way to go). The battle for ice cream (which was more with my wife than with insatiable cravings) was initially resolved by the onset of winter, but the following summer we compromised with pints bought less frequently.

Saltine crackers are the one item for which I can remember the thought processes I went through to give them up. I can remember buying them in the carefree days without a thought. Somewhere along the line I evidently decided that eating an entire 4 stack box of saltines was a bit over the top (my wife, by the way, does not eat saltines). So I tried "fat free" crackers, didn't work, I just used more margarine. I tried no-salt crackers, ditto the margarine. I can remember standing in the aisle at the supermarket really thinking hard about why I was buying them and the likely outcome, and I can remember saying, "Oh, what the hell" and tossing them in the cart. I finally cut back by buying only two stack boxes, which were frequently consumed before the groceries were even unpacked. I also rememebr the last box I ever bought: my wife and I were driving to Long Island, so I bought a 4 stack box, thinking I would eat two stacks over and two stacks back. When I found I had eaten all four stacks and we hadn't even gotten there yet, I finally realized I couldn't ever control myself and saltines. Haven't bought a box since.

I really couldn't say exactly how I gave up those binges. But I know one thing, it took a long time. And I sure didn't get rid of them all at once, one binge kind of morphed into the next as I gave up one food after another. The last binge habit I acquired was in January of 2006 wherein I would buy one of those speciality baked breads (you know, the ones baked with olive oil) and go home, heat up more olive oil and garlic and dunk away. Of course I saved "some" for my wife. Well, that one ended with the "medical event".

Lets go back to two things I said: #1) when I bought those saltines, even though I knew darn well what was going to happen when I got home, I never even once made a direct connection between my weight and the consumption of an entire box of saltines in an afternoon. Contrast that with #2) when I said that as I was reminiscing about my bread binge days the first thing that occurred to me was the enormous costs in calories. Even just remembering the event, I immediately mentally calculated the 1000's of calories consumed.

What's the big deal? The big deal is now that I have admited that my ability to know when I have eaten enough is defective, I rely absolutely on an artifical method of reporting back to me calories consumed. Which in turn means I have trained myself to automatically calculate calories eaten, or about to be eaten, as I go along through the day. Bingeing can no longer be cost free. I may not actually be able to control my bingeing, but if I indulge it's going into my calorie log and I can see the cost. I can see that I have exceeded my calories for the day. I can see that if I exceed the calories for maintenance of my current weight I am putting on weight today. It is no longer an abstract event ("oh, I just can't control my binges")- it is a real event with real consequences ("good lord, what have I done!).

Bingeing, when you get right down to it, is just one specific example of impulsive behavior. When I look around to see how I "controlled" my bingeing here's what I find:

A long list of foods that aren't allowed in the house:
crackers
ice cream
speciality breads
cheeses (except no fat)
any kind of meat greater than one meal
chips of any kind
dips of any kind
cookies
really, junk food of any kind
non diet soda
etc

I only allow myself:
1 alcohloic drink a day (if that)
1/2 cookie (out) a day
1 small package of turkey breast a week
1 can turkey spam a week
only recommended portion sizes for:
rice
pasta
legumes
etc

I ask you, does this really sound like a person who has gotten over his binges? Or does this sound more like a person who has dealt with impulsive behavior in one particular area? Because the main way to control implusive behavior is through a clear set of rules (I will find my reference for this), and I sure as heck think that's what we got here, a whole bunch of rules, food by food.

I don't for a second think that I have gotten over my binges in the sense that I no longer crave large amounts of certain foods. What I do believe is that I have created my rules, and that my calorie log helps me enforce those rules by being really specific about what will happen if I break them.

If this all sounds pretty artificial, well it is. Let's remember, I am obese in the first place because my body either does not send, or does not listen to, signals of fullness that someone like my wife hears loud and clear. If I do not implement an artifical system to provide those signals, then I am doomed to a life of obesity.